if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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