We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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