so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
