Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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