i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
