I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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