is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
