2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
PANTIES FOUND
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