I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
