He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
