no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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