Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
