Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
