upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
