Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
