Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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