Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
