chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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