Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
