Got a toothbrush?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
