I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
