Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize