Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
