Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
