dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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