May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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