I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
