He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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