Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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