so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
