I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
