All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
