You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize