this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
