Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
