He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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