All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
