I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We have started to decorate penises.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize