put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
