you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
