3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm like, not good at living.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
