I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
