just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
