I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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