Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
