I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
