I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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