my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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