you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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