Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
