Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
