Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
