the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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