she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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