Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
