is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
