Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
