Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
