if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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