best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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