Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
