Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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