Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
