Please, let me fuck your mom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize