another moral hangover. fuck.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
