mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
