How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
