Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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