if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Less talking, more tequila
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
