clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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