Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
