That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
