I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize