The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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