i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
