i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
