Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
