I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
