Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
