i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
