i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize