i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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