I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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