The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
