he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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