this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
