i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
BRING THE BAGELS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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