your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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