So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Randomize
