I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
