So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
