VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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