mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
