I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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