Already got asked if we're dating
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
