Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
