Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
