i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
