Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
