She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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