ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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