too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
