she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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