Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
